I’m going back through The Artist’s Way (Cameron) and this week a task was to list bad habits that might appear more subtly than doom scrolling on social or eating too many snacks. Instead, I found that often I wish that something would happen and don’t actually take the practical steps. I make excuses not to do something because (hello, Enneagram 7!) it doesn’t sound fun. And personally, I find that I talk too much in group settings, which is probably a result of spending more time by myself. So with these more subtle notes, here we go!
Insecurities within Securities
I feel like the more subtle thoughts with creativity are the more telling because they focus on my insecurities and what I try to hide rather than the face of social media. I do try to be honest, but most of my socials are prepped, sometimes up to two or three weeks in advance. Since I’m running a business I want it to be relatable, but professional. And I think, honestly, that I need to drop some of the professional-ness. Let me explain.
A lot of the time, I attempt to post or sell something that I think that other people would like or find interesting. There is definitely a valid reason for this. But for me, I take that too much to heart and let it affect what I do creatively. Often I place a deadline on myself that doesn’t need to be there, simply because I feel like I “must” do something. This halts my creative process, and while I constantly have ideas, I don’t take a single step towards actually producing these ideas in my work! There are some days when I want to write for two hours and I find an excuse to clean my house or walk back and forth “thinking” of new ideas than actually writing them down.
In the future I will continue to work on deadlines and to complete commissions because I love chatting with others. I will just attempt to plan what I can and take the rest as it comes. When someone shares their story, it is personal and inspiring, and I don’t want to lose that interaction. I can slow down, which is extremely difficult for me to do. But I will do this in a different way. I can still charge a fair price, communicate with fellow art lovers, and enjoy putting my heart into my art! I hope that my personal interactions can also create space for real conversations and the experiences that I have personally had can be reflected in my thoughts on the page. Sometimes I am nervous that a piece (or manuscript) is not what they have envisioned, but if they have researched my website at all, they will find that I have a very distinct way of creating.
I would love to jump full force into that!
Summer Sketches
As a creative, I make excuses not to go out and draw, though drawing outside is one of my absolute favorite things to do, and I’ve participated in several plein air contests that focus on just that! I tell myself that I don’t have energy, it’s too hot, I’m busy with something else right now, or I just don’t feel like it. Have you been there, too?
It is inspiring to me to view something beautiful and to create a sketch (pen or pencil) of my version of that moment. It’s never perfect, but it reminds me of what I’ve experienced and the places I’ve been. Over the summer I hope to complete a goal of 100 sketches that will encourage me to get out there, even if it is something as simple as going to the park down the road. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Sometimes I imagine something in my head and it comes out completely different on paper. And sometimes I don’t like what I’ve done and yet other people are drawn to it. So all I know to do is to keep creating. Keep stepping out there. Sometimes just showing up is the important part.
Speak & Listen
Personally, I have realized that I just keep talking during a conversation. I am usually so excited to share my ideas that I don’t stop for breath, much less to hear what the other person has to say. I want to get my idea out there, but at the same time, by blabbering on I am essentially telling that person that what they have to say means nothing. That I don’t have time for them.
And that is the farthest thing that I want to convey! However, if I continue with this habit, it will train others who communicate with me that I don’t care about what they are doing and I am only interested in stating my opinions.
Ouch.
That is a hard lesson to learn. But hopefully, one that I can improve and learn more about others in my community circle at the same time!
#hardtruths
So after all this reminiscing, I am finding my own voice by diving into my creativity more than the professional (something I will enjoy immensely!). At the same time I am learning not to use my voice all the time so that others have a chance to speak. Maybe by learning to balance both of these realizations I can continue to share my heart and transfer other’s stories to paper, whether in a sketchbook or my next book.
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Keep learning and sharing,
Hannah Marie.
