There have been several things this month that I pinpointed as moments that I was frozen by fear. At one point, I literally had to get myself off the couch and start on the project because I realized that the only reason that it was not getting done was because I was scared of the result. Now it’s not what you think. And maybe as a creative, you have the same fears.
Tell me if you relate to this: It’s not that I don’t think that I can do it. I absolutely can, and I know I can. But I’m afraid of the result. Again, it’s not that I think it will be bad — I LOVE the things I create. It’s the reality that I sell to other people and that sometimes thoseother people will not appreciate what I have given them. Instead, my fear is rooted in reactions. First, reactions of others:
- It’s beautiful (but don’t buy)
- You have such talent (and spend on something similar at another booth)
- That’s weird
- Woah, too expensive
And then, my own reactions:
- I don’t have enough money
- Well, my work doesn’t look like that
- Why did I spend so much time on that if nobody is looking at it
- I’m not meeting my goal
- It doesn’t look like I imagined it would
Are you nodding along yet? If not, continue reading so that you can at least sympathize with my plight because this has been in my head for the past week. 🙄 It’s so hard to fight against them because the easy solution is to watch TV or scroll through the newest things on Instagram, or find more (better!) ideas on Pinterest.
It is easier. But I’m not willing to give fear a voice.
I’ve learned that fear is an emotion, and I am allowed to have emotions. Will it ever come naturally? I don’t know. But I’m learning that it does take physical action sometimes—not just telling myself something over and over again—to get the job done. This week, instead of giving into the fear that I would not meet my graphic novel goal, I decided to work at least thirty minutes a day on my illustrations. Instead of deciding that two weekends of horribly low markets would not help pay my bills, I decided to come up with a few new things, using supplies I already had and my imagination. When I was working through my financials for the next few months, I rearranged my budget and said no to a couple things that I wanted to try; that will be something for later.
Yes, I will continue to improve Hannah Marie. I will grow my business, but I also need to work through the dry periods with a clear head. And that requires not burying it, turned away from realities, but to look at those realities from a different perspective.
I can step back.
Get advice from others.
Try something new.
Get messy.
Take a chance.
And pray.
I’m sharing all this with you because maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you’re there right now. But guess what? It’s not going to last forever. I don’t know what is going to happen in the next few months, but I will embrace the change and pray that I will be able to make smart decisions if I need to adjust how I am working in this creative life.
As an encouragement to you, my fellow creatives, don’t give up! Look that fear in the face and keep going, even if it takes everything in you. Embrace the dry seasons and find the awe-inspiring moments. Don’t let fear have the last word.
Step out in courage,
Hannah Marie.